You're reading the special April Fools' Day, 2008, edition of The Watcher.

In what public access advocates are calling the worst demonstration of excessive government secrecy, Vice President Dick Cheney is refusing to reveal his Final Four picks in the White House NCAA men's basketball tournament pool. Shortly after the 13-year-old son of a White House secretary moved into the lead in the pool after correctly predicting Davidson's shocking upset over Georgetown in the second round, Cheney's bracket was pulled. The Office of the Vice President explained that the Vice President is not technically a part of the White House and is therefore not subject to NCAA pool rules that require disclosure of picks in order to participate. Ironically, Cheney is also claiming to have locked up winning the pool when the tournament concludes, stating, "At this point, it's a slam dunk. Trust me."