You're reading the special April Fools' Day, 2008, edition of The Watcher.

Presidential candidates Sens. John McCain (R-AZ), Hillary Clinton (D-NY), and Barack Obama (D-IL) joined forces today, April 1, on what they call "groundbreaking legislation" to do away with special interest money in federal elections. The bill would ban all campaign contributions to candidates, political parties, 527 groups, and any other entity. Instead, the bill legalizes vote buying, which the three presidential candidates said could provide an important stimulus for the faltering economy. In a joint statement, the three senators said, "Research indicates vote buying is a free market activity. Vote buying in the cultural context of a world without campaign contributions empowers the citizen consumer." In response to critics that claim the proposal would mean only the wealthy could run for office, the three co-sponsors suggested surrogate vote buying would also be permitted. The National Distillers' Association issued a statement of support for the bill: "It is the American way to pay people to vote a certain way with a bottle of whisky or spirit of choice."